Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Rodrigues there? Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. They know how to take up space. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. Gary Toohard. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. It was PRIVATE. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. March forth! There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Divert your course NOW! Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. A PETTY officer! P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? He thought he would be home about 13:30. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. He finally comes dragging in at. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. This site contains affiliate links. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. Did it work? Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. you cant do both. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. The INFANTry! Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. USMC: OHH! Ocean Pearl, I answered. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Marine: Wait, stop. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. USA: Choppers Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. The Marine said Are you crazy? I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Why? I asked. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Ocean Pearl, I answered. ! No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Altitude is life insurance. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. The Lasting Supper Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Good judgment comes from experience. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. Marines Say OOOOORAH! A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. 16. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Killed bin Laden. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. 66. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. 49. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Airmens mess, sir.. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Thats Daddy. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. 13:30 comes and goes. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Theyre U.S. AF! See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. Caller: Do you have his right number? Co-Pilot: What?!. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. 45. Soldier: No, SIR!. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Theres a post recall and he went to work. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Aircraft Engineers 1. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. 4. Its a NO FLY zone! Rodrigues there? Flight Announcements 4. 33. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. You divertyour course! If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. "They're all mine. Attention! In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. And )second 3. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. 7. Individual use is by implied consent. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. What did you do? I was the tallest guy in line. How much noise can we make up here? Unless you can be Batman. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Now, lets try it again! Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. 5. Rodrigues? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. 46. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. 44. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. (Hang up. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. USN: Helos His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? 17. What do hungry Marines eat? A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Stay out of clouds. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? 2. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. 37. Proceed at your own risk. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. A LOOtenant! It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Where are you from? What are you doing? I asked. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. I dont see it.. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it Do you want to hear about my plane?. Thanks. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. So I quit ordering it.. Then one day I couldnt find it. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. They all originally set out to become Marines. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Eternal Piece Chicago. Now he likes peanuts.. We have one or two in here! Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. ! This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 39. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. MARCH! Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Baltimore, said Dad. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. How tough?